Sunday, November 28, 2004
Friday, November 26, 2004
- both veer n zara survive bus accidents... co-incidence or stupid writing
- the Pakistani judge has Natraj pencils on his desk... talk about Indian exports.
- Amit and Hema malini's Ishq but be surely worrying Dharam paaji
- there was absolutely no policemen guarding veer in the court a prisoner in custody for 22 yrs, and he ends up doing a song n dance sequence in the court :):)
- Pakistanis are even more filmy than Indians
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/26/2004 04:20:00 PM
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/26/2004 03:30:00 PM
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Here is a short story on motivation
There are two donkeys A & B - best of buddies.
At the village fair A is sold to a rich Arab while B is sold to a rich
businessman. The Arab treats A like his child takes good care of him
etc. While the businessman ill treats B, does not feed him well and
him work hard.
After few years A & B meet and have a chat. A is very sad about B and
that "My Arab can buy you from your businessman and yo u can have a good
life too" B says, "No, I have hope here"
A: "What Hope?"
B: The businessman has a beautiful daughter, and when she misbehaves the
businessman tells her - "If you continue misbehaving I will marry you
to this donkey
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/25/2004 04:50:00 PM
I had gone to the thane passport office yesterday to get my ECNR thing done.
the timing for enquiry and submission was 10.30 to 12.30 noon and collection is 3.30 to 5.30 (they have made it 4.30 now)
this is a huge place wid spaced out people wid documents n fotus in triplicate running from counter to counter and more counters.....
since my previous experiences have never been smooth I decided to talk to an agent first.. I go to the least shady looking of them ... I told bhai ECNR karneka hai .. he says form leke aao 1 number counter pe... the evil security guard who job is to juss stop all the people from entering so that the agents get their work done..
I tell him passport hai stamp maarkne ka hai...
I reach counter number 1... I give da lady 20 buck note for a 5 buck form (I'm worried that she wont return da change), after waiting for a while I find some chiller in my bag... I come outside again and give da forms n tell da agent to fill it up... thumb impressions n multiple signatures.. here n there...
then again counter number 7....
da guy on counter number 7 is missing in action... its nearly 12.10 .. this spaced out guy finally emerges from da loo... has a look on my cerits ask totally tangent questions...then take my papers to some superiors and comes back... has a long stare at da passport and and me .. and blurts toda alag hai fotu.. ye right fucker.. this has a frechie .. after ruthlessly stamping 3-4 times.. he says abi counter number 8 mein jao madam ke paas
Im at counter number 8, this totally pained madam doing some major kaam (12.20 pm)
im waiting .. im second in line.. some sidey agent gets in between... 12.21
then some sidey staff comes wid some wedding invitation card.. I think its one of his children.. he wrote da card to all in da office not individually so our madam was cribbing about it.. this rendezvous goes on and on and finally its all smiles at 12.26
then the printer goes kaput... out techie madam tries to be Mr fix it... its a shady legacy dot matrix printer... she maraos some 8-10 prints before getting it right... 12.28 pm... me in on GAS by then... else I would have to come again the next day....
then vola da printer starts working... Mr pandey da agent get his work done...
now im on line... she cant find my documents... I help her out... pay her da money...
she says... sade cahr baje aao... and da madam says sorry for da delay .. ..wow when did one hear Govt servants say dat!!
wow.. mission 1 done (12.30 pm)
now for four hours im in Thane , time which never seems to passs..... after having 2 lunch rounds of nasta pani and checking mail at a cafe... I go back to da passport office..... finally got it done at 4.15 pm ..
We Indians tend to blame these guys for all da shit they put us through, we are partially right but I also feel that these guys are a frustrated lot... frustrated coz of the people the have to hang out n interact everyday.... illiterate junta from all over, lousy travel agents n their side kicks, hajis n their gangs of ten .. one to fill form 10 for moral support, rude aunty fed up of being shoved from counter to counter...
If you ask me would I like to go there again no way ...... I guess god made these guys or punished them rather to do this job :):)
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/25/2004 01:22:00 PM
AB new bhai roles... da man rocks da shit out of the SRKs,Sallus n Pillus of the industry.
An early peek into the dons of the new era ( mid-day 23-11-04)
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/25/2004 12:51:00 PM
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he
created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And
God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said -
Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and
hard disks and compact disks.
4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to
floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created
computers and called them hardware.
5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and
big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the
6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will
make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God
showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the
volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He
a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would
up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things
Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it
10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill
said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program
and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you
not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God.
You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless ï¿½C since
Windows could replace it.
14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the
Programmer that it was good.
15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And
God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered -
I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS.
God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the
Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!
16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And
will always sell Windows.
17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use
lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User
you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you
have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.
20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/22/2004 05:02:00 PM
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/22/2004 01:08:00 AM
Friday, November 19, 2004
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is a fictional character featured in The Simpsons television series. He is the proprietor of the "Kwik-E-Mart" (a subsidiary of Nordyne Defense Dynamics), the local convenience store. He is an immigrant from India, and like most Simpsons characters is a caricature of a common stereotype -- that of the South Asian convenience store owner. His most defining characteristics are his exaggerated Indian English, his devotion to the Hindu god Ganesh and his indefatigable immigrant work-ethic. His catchphrase is "thank you, come again", cheerfully and dutifully repeated to customers after a transaction. There are many hidden jokes in the show that play off of Western ignorance of the Indian ethnic landscape: there have been shows in which Apu has been called a "Jolly Bengali" and, paradoxically, a "Pakistani"! (one cannot be both Bengali and Pakistani; also, since he is Indian, he cannot be Pakistani).
Apu is married to Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, with octuplet children: Anoop, Geet, Nabendu, Poonam, Pria, Sandeep, Sashi and Uma
Apu and Manjula were wed through an arranged marriage. Despite trying to wriggle out of the arrangement at first, Apu was won over after actually meeting Manjula and the two actually did fall in love. Later, Manjula gave birth to the amazing amount of eight children after taking a larger-than-recommended dose of fertility drugs. Apu and Manjula have a mostly happy marriage, despite understandable marital problems caused by Apu's workaholism, the strain of caring for eight children, and a single instance of infidelity by Apu.
Apu is a naturalized US citizen, and holds a PhD in computer science. He graduated first in his class of 'nine million' at Caltech Â the Calcutta Institute of Technology Â going on to earn his doctorate at the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology. His doctoral dissertation was the world's first computer program to play perfect tic-tac-toe (Bart Simpson ruined it by plucking a random punch card out of the box along with several others and the comment, 'Hey, what's this one do?' Apu promptly pitched it into the trash). Apu began working at the Kwik-E-Mart during his college years to help pay off his student loan, and simply never left.
Apu was a member of the barbershop quartet the B-Sharps, which also consisted of Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble and Seymor Skinner. Apu took the stage name, 'Apu de Beau Marche'. He and his family are devotees of the Hindu gods Shiva and Ganesh. During Apu's wedding, Homer attempted to play on their fear of the gods, and impersonated Ganesh. However, the impersonation was seen through by one of Apu's relatives and failed miserably.
Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon is Apu's brother who helps him run the Kwik-E-Mart. Sanjay's daughter (and Apu's niece) is Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon. Sanjay's son is Jamshed Nahasapeemapetilon (which belies realistic inconsistency; Apu's family is Hindu, though Jamshed is a Muslim name).
When Springfield became over-patriotic and took the name "Liberty-Ville", Apu quickly caught on. He renamed his kids Lincoln, Freedom, Condoleezza, Coke, Pepsi, Manifest Destiny, Apple Pie, and Superman.
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/19/2004 03:43:00 PM
Akshay Kumar and Priyanka Chopra in Aitraaz
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Kareena Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra
Saw it at Liberty yesterday wid Bhatta. Da movie is cool, definitely worth a dekko once, though it has atrocious songs but decent acting by akshay n kareena but anu kapoor n paresh rawal were at their normal best.
In short : Bold courtroom drama, no pondy as one would expect !! desi version of
what I liked about the movie was it was bold for Indian standards, I'm many will take cue from abbas-mastan and make more controversial movies in da future.
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/19/2004 12:13:00 PM
Gates Gets 4M Spam Messages Each Day
And You Thought You Needed A Filter
SINGAPORE -- Bill Gates, the chairman and founder of Microsoft, receives millions of e-mail messages a day, said Steve Ballmer, the company's chief executive."Bill literally receives 4 million pieces of e-mail per day, most of it spam," Ballmer said Thursday.Spam or junk e-mails are unsolicited messages, generally advertising goods or services and usually sent to many e-mail accounts simultaneously.
now dat this story has come out another 6 billion around da world would try thier luck in paiining him,
email@example.com is his id :):) add him on all your groups :):)
or u can cofrim reciept by calling him :)
William Gates, President | Microsloth Corporation
Voice: 206-555-9595 | One Process Way
Fax: 206-555-9797 | Redmond WA 95120
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/19/2004 01:25:00 AM
Thursday, November 18, 2004
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/18/2004 03:55:00 PM
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formally known as California).
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floridians still don't know how to use a voting machine.
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/18/2004 03:27:00 PM
Abhishek Bachchan and Antra Mali in Naach
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/18/2004 12:52:00 PM
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/17/2004 05:02:00 PM
"What am I like? The Personality Test"
Find out your personality type at:
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/17/2004 04:19:00 PM
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Bend it like Patel
HereÂs another Patel making news internationally. Radheyshyam Patel is hoping for a place in the record books for his ability to break eggs on the back of his hand by bending his fingers backwards.
He broke 21 eggs in 30 seconds at a public demonstration in the city of Raipur.
He beat the record set earlier this year by Bangalore man K S Raghavendra who cracked 13 eggs in 30 seconds, reports Asian News International.
Patel, of Mahasamund, places an egg on the back of his hand and then uses the other hand to bend his fingers backwards.
He said, ÂMy fingers naturally turn towards the back of my palm.Â
Bend it like Patel
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/16/2004 04:08:00 PM
Monday, November 15, 2004
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Apologies to the world?
Here's an interesting reaction to the election: photos of Americans with signs apologizing for the election results.
atleast the americans are apologizing... we indians have to apologise for electing morons like Deve Gowda and innumerable religious fanatics... will we or wont we is da big question??
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/14/2004 01:28:00 AM
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Microsoft v Google
Times Online's verdict
By Rhys Blakely, Times Online
Bill Gates may be the world's most generous philanthropist, but the technical
teams under his charge may well experience the uncharitable side of his nature
In the 30 minutes Times Online spent test driving Microsoft's long-awaited
search engine, launched today as a test site, it broke down eight times.
It was not the most scientific of tests, but nor was it an auspicious start for
the product Microsoft hopes will capture a share of the Â£5 billion paid-search
internet advertising market. Especially when you consider the competition.
Paid-search sites make money by charging website owners a fee to have their site
appear at the top of the list when users search for certain key words. At
present the market is dominated by Google, which has continued to increase its
share of the market - even since Yahoo launched its own product in Febuary.
That Microsoft is hoping to emulate Google - and attract some of the 80 million
people who visit it each month - is clear from the new site's design. Sleek and
uncluttered, it aims to provide users with the same easy-to-use format. There is
also an "advanced search" option, which is relatively intuitive to use, an
encyclopedia function, and an option that allows you to limit your search to
the appropriate territory (in our case, the UK) Â again just like Google.
Meanwhile, Microsoft also offers a beta news service, which brings together a
selection of reports from different sources and which, if anything, is more
effectively presented than Google's offering.
But how did Microsoft's test site compare to Google in searching the web?
In the name of testing both sites to destruction, we opted to place ourselves in
the shoes of a tourist planning to visit the place with the longest name in the
British Isles, but was unsure of how to spell
A search for "Llanfair" on Google immediately brought up 94,800 websites, the
second of which included the full name that we were looking for in the
explanatory text below the link.
A search for the full name then brought up more than 9,000 websites Â again
In stark contrast, searches for both the terms caused the Microsoft site to
stall for a few seconds before the "search" engine announced: "This site is
temporarily unavailable, please check back soon"
So far so bad. But Microsoft's troubles may not end there. Experts have
suggested that the new site could spell trouble for website managers - as well
as disgruntled surfers and paying advertisers.
Deri Jones, the chief executive of SciVisum, the internet testing specialist,
has predicted that Microsoft's search "robots" - the behind-the-scenes parts of
a search engine that download pages - could slow down the whole internet.
"Problems in Microsoft robots could cause slow down for real users if they
perform too aggressively, grabbing too many pages too quickly and thus
inadvertently 'stress-testing' web sites," he told Times Online.
This could also result in users being asked to "try again later".
The problem for Mr Gates is that in an era when users have become used to
summoning reams of information in fractions of a second, you don't get very
many second chances.
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/11/2004 11:37:00 PM
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
24 hours widout internet or Tv made me feel so miserable, as if wid out
Oxygen... finally at around 8 pm the net is back... my mom is soo happy she can
watch her favorite shady soaps mihir n tulsi n da crappy gang... i'm sure the
pubs and bars must be doing gr8 business from 8.30 pm to 11 pm around india
Diwali is back .. so is da noise and da crackers... da only thing i like about
diwali lotsa people turn into entreprenuer over night.. take a teapoi or small
table , buy crackers form Essabhai in Crawford market and sell it at 100%
margins in your area :):)
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/10/2004 09:47:00 PM
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/09/2004 04:17:00 PM
Monday, November 08, 2004
Partners in crime?
A FAIRLY crowded BEST bus leaving from Colaba saw a man occupying the seat
thatÂs meant only for ladies.
At one of the bus-stops along the way, a young lady boarded the bus and asked
the gentleman to vacate the seat. The man started grumbling. Then shouting.
ÂÂIf you ask the woman on the other side to vacate her seat, I will do so as
well,ÂÂ he said.
The woman decided to shut up and continued standing. At the Jijamata Udyan bus
stop, the man alighted. So did the woman sitting across the aisle from him. As
they began chatting and walking off, the woman on the bus was left wondering if
this was another of the cityÂs scams.
One thing is for sure in Bombay paisa mango milega, dil manga milega, seat
maango... sorry boss!!!
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/08/2004 11:52:00 PM
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/08/2004 04:24:00 PM
MLA Arun Gawli wants cops to protect him
November 6, 2004
Alleged gangster-turned-legislator Arun Gawli is now looking forward to being
provided with police protection so that ''he can serve the people better''.
Gawli expressed this desire to newly-elected Speaker of the Maharashtra Assembly
wot next... roadside pickpockets and pimps also becoming MLA :):).. god save the
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/08/2004 01:14:00 AM
Sunday, November 07, 2004
best buys for da week
- Centurion bank (8 bucks)
- JK synthetics (20 bucks)
- Financial Tech (If it reaches 90)
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/07/2004 09:42:00 PM
finallllllly i'm back on da blog scene..... been kinda bored and tied up wid lotsaa things...
myzus, no cable net, no monies at time :):) .
The stock markets seem to be rocking.. will try to post my inside tips and stories about the markets as and when i get them. As usual i shall always post the cool links and stories i gather from crawling from around da WWW.
posted by satish vijaykumar at 11/07/2004 03:27:00 PM