Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sales Pitch Bombay Style

The art of a selling and marketing is something which you can pick up from the streets on Bombay if you keep your eyes and ears open, you don't have to go to any IIM, Harvard, Wharton, B,C or IIPM for it... 
There are sales men and women in Bombay in all shapes,sizes and pitches, I've listed my favorites ones do feel free to add to the list.
1. Thanda-meetha coool drinks..... trrrrrrrrrrrrring trrrrrrrrrrrrrrring  at Bombay Central station
2.  hawkers outside Churchgate subways selling 40 Rupees wala Bermudas and T-shirts  yelling "Gira.. Gira... dekho bhai're wondering kya gira, purse??  WTF kya gira??? hawkers in chorus.... dekho bhai Bhav gira.... wonly 40... chaalishhhh..40!!!
3. In Khao Gully (Azad maidan), the dosa wala and his tag team partner literly pulls you to the stall doing his pitch with a normal Tam accent dosa,idli,vada butter, Chinese, cheese.... then his partner responds by doing the ting ting ting on the Dosa Stove.
4. Nepali boys in Nariman point working for Chinese stalls "Aaao bhai Chinese... sheekan/vheez.. fulltoo milegega... one by two milegaa... laaalipop "
5. Koli females in Borivali fish market, they give you the raunchy smile and just say "Mavraaa gya... you are too scared to ignore the lady with the koyta...and you ending up buying a small wata of kolimbi"
6. the most fuckall salesmen are in Alfa (Irla) these chuts think they are doing some major sewa to mankind you can actually see the agony in their face when you ask him to show him different models of Phones and Mobiles.
7. "ginge...............ginge........ ginge..........khaasi bhagao.... timepass da vry nasal voice, is a sound which you hear in the corner of the train compartment, its the Ginger Goliwala who sells the Ginger Goli for 50 p, he is the coolest of the lot.
8. Then you have the Kulfiwala who only emerges after 9 pm, at first you can never make out what he is saying  but guys in Bombay can recognize that sound among a zilllion files.... His sound is something like "fiiiiiiiiiao"     "kufiooooooooooooo"... again in a deep pitched nasal sound but this time its a Sholapuri Ghat.
9. Then Bhandiwalis........."Vaaaasioyoooooooo... Vaaaasiyoooooooooooooo"... this is the most annoying sound, you know its them when the dogs in your building start barking and running for cover, mostly enterprising Gujju ladies they are responsible for fooling our parents into exchanging our faded jeans for some stupid plate or Aluminum  vessel . ... I've never till date understood what the Vassssiooooooo meant.
10. The most common and one of my favorite the Bhaayia kelawala's favorite pitch " Kela khao sehat banao.... he gives your the smirky double meaning look"
11. The guy at the Churchgate Sulabh Loo pitching the number 2 option when the Susu slots are all full. "Boss jaaneka hai.. Ek Rupiya, he gestures with his 2 fingers udhar khali hai..."