Sunday, May 01, 2005

You know you are a Malayalee when.. (back by popular demand)

This is a 4-5 yr old research on my tribe, I guess nothing much has changed... we still love the Gelf,Gold and Booze.
I'm working on da latest on my tribe... till then munch diz...

1.You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine or in your dinner.
2.You don't cook rice in a rice cooker. You do it the old-fashioned way : water, a big pot, and fire.
3.You buy corn oil by the gallon.
4.Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
5.Uncle Ben's takes over the household.
6.Lipton Tea is bought by the bulk, (especially when there is a sale for it.)
7.You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
8.The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
9.Your brothers and sisters names rhymes or have the some letter to start with as yours.
10.MacDonald's is prounounced MAC-DOUGH-NALLS.
11.Your father and mother endlessly tell you stories of how when they first came into this country, they had to eat the cheapest parts of the chicken (eg. the back, necks, etc.)
12.During evening prayer, your Grandmother let's out a wailing belch. (If you could hear it, you know what I am talking about.)
13.You go to FOKANA / youth / spiritual conferences to pick-up chicks / dudes.
14.You have to explain to everyone, "That funny name is my father's house name."
15.Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
16.Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."
17.You are teased about having two first names or else that your first name should be your last and vice versa.
18.Your mom is a nurse or she works somewhere in a hospital.
19.Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from India with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
20.You either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want to stay away from it.
21."You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
22.You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
23.You have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your father's side.
24. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
25.Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
26.You will most likely be taller than your parents.
27.Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
28.Your mother constantly professes, "I am not gossiping on the phone. It is important conversation..."
29.Your American friends names suddenly turn into Malayalam names. (eg. Manay, Dhaveed (David) is on the phone for you.)
30.When your friends find out about the name your parents call you at home, you never hear the end of it from them.
31.On long road trips, Mohamad Rafi or devotional songs make the time fly by.
32.Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
33.You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
34.Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
35.You've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
36.You have to hide the fact that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
37.Everybody assumes you are Hindu or Muslim, because you are Indian but you stand up strong and say, "I am Christian."
38.Everybody assumes you are Christian, because you are Malayalee, but you stand up strong and say, "I am Hindu" or "I am Muslim".
39.You page yourself before you go out, so you look important.
40. At all the Indian parties, you and the Punjabis are the life of it..
41.You have heard of Malayalee Hit Squad, and you pretend you know someone in it everytime someone mentions it.
42.You say that you are in Malayalee Hit Squad to impress girls.
43.You act like you can dance Bhanghra styles.
44.Your North Indian friends mention a Hindi movie, you say that the Tamil or Malayalam version was the original one and that it was better.
46.Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
47.Your father and grandfathers have hair on their ears.
48.Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages.
49.Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
50.You are in an Engineering/Computer Science/Pre-Med/Med/Law program at your respective college.
51.If somebody asks you if you know a Malayalee person, your parents say, "His/Her father/mother was in my college." or else "Yes, We are from the same village."
52.You leave for college hating sambar, chicken curry, morra, and chor, but you come back home yearning for it.
53.You get angry about being compared to your other Mallu friends.
54."Patti", "Thendi" and "Potten" are commonly used expressions of insult.
55.You create a name for IRC or AOL chat rooms it's always some name like "Thenga", "Pichati", "Ethikya" or things to that degree.
56.You leave it to your parents to find your spouse.
57.You pretend that you are not a Mallu at all.
58.Your Dad teaches you all the bad words in Malayalam, and your mom gets mad at him for that.
59.People ask you why your dad wears only a towel to pick up the newspaper or the mail.
60.You have a jungle growing in the backyard every summer, with pavikya, padavalingya, etc. growing and all your friends ask you why it stinks in the back yard.
61.(For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable.
62.(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm.
63.You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.
64.Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you.
65.To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.
66.When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other.
67.Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied even more."
68.Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street unless they're close by.
69.Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
70.You like $1.75 movies.
71.You like $1.50 movies even more.
72.Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names.
73.People you call "uncle" always smell up the bathroom at parties.
74.If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late.
75.You have never met half of your extended family.
76.Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.
77.A horoscope must decide your wedding date.
78.Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.
79.Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son.
80.You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot."
81.Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.
82.You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried.
83.You sound like "Apu" on the Simpsons.
84.You own a 7/11 or a motel with a name like "Roadside Inn."
85.One or both of your parents skipped at least one year of elementary school.
86.In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
87.You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to anyone YOU know.
88.Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
89.You have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids' social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on in your checkbook.