tnx u Virar

I've always enjoyed traveling the Virar train... not because of the crowd or the sweat... juss because of the sheer energy levels, the passion, the camaraderie, the fun, the chutiyagiri, the housie games, the bhajan mandali, the dal vada's at Borivali station, the howling of ganpati bappa moraya at Kandivali or shouting jai jai jaiajai aji baaaanraaaaaaaaaaaaaang ballllllllllllllllllllllllllllli ki jai when the train crosses malad on both up n down sides.........

 

Now that I've moved to Borivali a place where I've always lived since childhood... a station where morons from as far as goregaon and malad come return to fuck our happiness even more in First Class.......

I hate standing even after paying so much for my First class pass.... dull public, noisy and fatty gujjus n marwardis.... quiet maharastrians,  zero maggies and goans, mallus n madrasis virtually absent....who dont do anyting but are fit epitomes of "Chodna kam Chilllana Jyada"

I so much miss the time pass of a Virar Train....

 

While travelling in the 09:24 Fast ......There was this crazy looking Guju guy ... hanging out of the train.... he was wearing some funny looking matching clothes which only a gujju from Jambli gully, Borivali  could dream of wearing... he is well oiled gelled and hanging , ye lay left right and doing a trapeze hanging out on the pole  ... scaring n bringing balls to freeze for a spilt second... repeating it a few moments later... touching the poles nearby.... spitting manichchand ... abusing the slum dwellers and the guys shitting below... ... junta in the train telling him .. andar aaja gandoo mar jayega...  cool guju Guju's motto .. Life mein kya hai Enjaai!!

 

As he is doing this trapeze act of his.... one smarty from Virar train travelling parallel, slaps him big time. one tight one.......fucker is chupp!!

 

silence........

 

Thank you Virar, you have not let me down.

 

 

 

 

Matka........Aaamchi Mumbai

I'm posting this mail for a friend from Goa who wrote to me....

Hello Mr. Satish Vijaykumar

I am from Goa, just visited your site.

Its quite interesting, but the most fascinating thing for me was the fact that you used to play Matka. I am trying my luck in this field.. So if u have some tricks to guess the winning number for Bombay or Kalyan, plz help me out with that

my reply

hi chanakya,

first of all let me tell you I love goa :))

If your investments amount is less you can play matka or play online 15 rajlakhsmi lotto...

If you are investing long term, with hard earned money ... I suggest you avoid matka and try investing in long term equities in the stock market...

cheers

satish

now more on Matka :))

Matka is a form of gambling that originated in Mumbai or Bombay as it was
known then.

It started around the same time as the closure of the cotton exchange
figures of opening and closing that used to be transmitted to India and was
gambled on.

It was started by a gentleman called Ratan Khatri. The way it operated was
very simple.

Mr Khatri would draw three cards at 9:00pm and the face value of the cards
would be totalled up.

for example if the three cards were the Ace of Spades, five of hearts and 9
of clubs. The opening number would be a sum of the three cards 1+5+9 = 15
The opening number would be 5 the display on the walls of selected sites
would show a "matka" or pot with the following legend

159
5x

if 2, 3 and 4 was the next three cards drawn at 12 midnight,the final
display a few minutes after mid night would be
159
5x9
234

betting takes place or used to take place on all the numbers, i.e. 159 or
234 or 59 or even 5 or 9 or the whole nine yards (all of them). bettin on 5
or 9 know as the open and close in this example are the only returns i know
of, for a 25 paise bet the returns were Rs 2.25.

The bookies and it operated on kind of franchise, ( sorry MCDonalds we had
a franchise before you) if the betting was heavy on particuar number
and the punters won bookies were known to have disappeared overnight.

The term in Bombay - "Matka lagi" signifying a windfall originates here.
Of course it wasnt legal but who knows it was possibly the precursor of
organised crime.

There is no system and of course for a small sum of money you could buy tip
sheets for the gullible. There is no system save two to make money on the
Matka.

First bet on either the open or close numbers. If a bet does not pay
dividends, double your bet for the same number the next day and keep
doubling until the payout. One of the ten numbers does have to show up. The
possibility of picking a pair and its permutations and combinations would be
horrendous enough to send a Cray into a tailspin.

The second system I keep the money to your self it will grow if u dont
throw it away :-)

Inputs courtesy Ravi (Bombay Central)

My freind PAkoo's uncle Gokul used to run a Matka adda in Shivaji Nagar (Behind I. C Church) and my Friend Bala still plays it non stop since 15 yrs.... the biggest matka he has had was winning 750 bucks on a 5 bucks game .... He is my guide on this subject, For me its pure mathemathics and permu n Combu , and some excel sheets :)) ......... I guess i'm more into into P/e, Reserves, Bonus games and stock tips :))

Stayin Alive.....alone...

Day 3  me living alone....(my folks are outta town)

These are things I've been eating for dinner....

 

Day 1.  Sheekh Kebabs @ Ustad's ( I.C Colony) , 3 pav's and chota thums up.... trust me the kebabs were better than ayub's, bade's, chote's, and BAndra Masjid.

 

Day 2. Mysore Masala outside Andeheri station (Platform # 6), so fucking hot, couldn't taste anything, followed by a Kashmiri soda ( soda, lemon, jaljeera masala, pudina etc etc .. total pack)

 

Day 3. 3 Potato Chops (Mutton)  from Tom's  ( a local Shawarma shop in my colony)  ......... The best thing I like about this shop is the entire family works out there, First thing as you enter da shop the uncle in Konkani says ... "vos re... you want water maan... cold or super cold... we have both han, good fridge", parcel or you wanna eat here or heat it at home.... you answer anything, the aunty , another uncle from the kitchen will start audio..... nice people to  hang out with, Goans are one the coolest people , I've lived with them all my life :))

 

Tomorrow I shall have 2 chops and Kisan Squash and make some Maggi ..........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

..... Saturrrrday

Past 2 days have be kinda bad for me, some office politics,  some not so smart things said abt me , some not so prudent talking and some errors on my part, and some people who I considered friends being 'Brutus'....

 

I dont' play poltics......But I've read the Arthshastra.

 

We'll that's was 24 hours hours ago......

 

I went for the annual Installation ceremony of the Rotaract club of Mithibai, a club which I've been associated since a loong time..... had the Mithibai Canteen food out there. For those who don't know Mithibai has one of the biggest canteen in Bombay run by Ravi Anna...

Menu start Chole, chana masala, Pulao, Raita, achar.... no sweets :(

 

Then we guys headed to Cafe Mocha... really crowded.... but a nice place... had a few breezers out there....

 

Then headed to Hawaiian Shack, Bandra...... (cover charges 600 bucks)..

 

The interiors are said to be having Hawaiian feel to its... complete with bamboos n other wooden stuff... and a cool boat which serves as a bar...

The most fuckall this is that they only serve the shadiest beer in the town "Castle' ... no Kingfisher....I shall write to Vijay Mallya to buy out this place :)

Damn crowded... equivalent to a Virar train, but no ones complainingg... goood music.... mix of 90's techno, reggae, All time filmy Bollywood toppers and get ur hands in da air panjaaabi music......

You'll find Waiters and hostess (chinki females) running and trying to squeeze trough you in da crowd in their endeavour to serve drinks....

No food only booze..

I saw Marc Robinson totally sloshed n trying big time to hook wid a lesbian couple who were generally screaming more than they move their bodies..... 

We had money left on our cover charges, they were good enough to give us the Beer Parcel....

 

Now like every smart Bombayite, we go to an expensive place then we the follow it up  by trying to find a sasta place for food....

 

We headed to Mithibai college...Cooper Hospital Area...

There is Khurseed' who serves Pav bhaji, Burji, Half fry till 5 am... but that place sucks big time now.. success go into his head , so a few yards ahead there is Shameen's even better  quality stuff... Double anda burji's, Half fry's and over a Dozen Pavs'.......... plus he doesn't mind us have da beer sumbdi mein.. :))

 

Got home at 4 am :)

 

 

Bombay Darshan ... MyZus style

I've given myself an award... PVC,VC champion movers n packers :))
I shall write to Rashtrapatijee to call me on 26th Jan and gimme da citation & nakli gold medal and also gimme da ceremonial elephant ride on Rajpath...

What did i do ??
Well I was associated, Involved,in-charge of shifting a record number of 7 times in 5 years....





2000 IITB Physics dept
2001 Cypress Bldg, Powai
2002 Daffodil Bldg, Powai
2003 Monica Bungalow, Old Cuffe Parade
2004 Sadhna House, Worli
2004 Mittal Tower, Nariman Pt
2005 Sun Mill Compound, Lower Parel (or Upper Worli :) )
and so on........
I think I, Nilesh and handyman Sawant should start a all Bombay movers, packers and system integrators for offices and wannabe offices.

I must have interacted with the who's who of the world of carpenters,printers, card sellers, door makers, glass makers, key makers, plumbers, painters, tempos, hamaal's, A/c walas, cablewalas, BMC, RBI, ROC, PF, STPI, hardware and compy vendors, PR agencies, Ad agencies, Estate Agents, Courier walahs, ISP's, Stationery's, Phoolwalah, paperwalas, jhol electricians from BSES,BMC, MTNL,Postmen, etc etc and more.....
All my visiting cards must be with these guy who must be utilizing the vacant the rear side of the card ad they usually do for lack of paper.

Well that's life, but Duty hai karna padtha hai..... as the say in Bombay "Duniya mein jo bhi hota hai... peth aur uske neeche ke liye hota hai"

I think MyZus rocks and we will one day be a company that will make IITB and India proud...
check out www.myzus.com for more on what we do...

I also think my company MyZus should convert 2 cargo containers or Caravans and operate from Churchgate to Virar and VT to Karjat on alternate weeks.

Tomoroww is day-2 of the shifting lotsa pending work....

Ghost who walks.... in Bombay!!!

Bombay is a city which is known for its good Samaritans, shady pick-pocketeers, helpful eunuchs, talkative bar girls, oil slicked nariyal pani walas, Groin scratching Bhaiyas, loud parsis, Polyester pant gujjus, mad kachrawalas who rob manhole lids, crazy BEST drivers, Chapter Macchiwalis, Unbathed well perfumed Goans, Pav sher drinking ghats, Business class travelers on top of Virar Trains...etc etc....

We have a new addition ghosts and souls of Bombay.... I guess that's why Bombay lives on... and not Bombay Dying :))
The pic says it all....





Pic courtesy : Beau Trincia, Berkeley.edu :)

Fielding Continues.... Day 2

Nariman point, Churchgate, Oval MAidan areas filled with CRPF, Mumbai Police, PAndu Traffic wala,Fire Brigade Home Guards with carbines, .303, lathis, water cannons etec etc...

Total tight fielding by the cops trying to catch any sidey elements who might try to sneak in.... So ironic, the shadiest elements are already in Vidhan Sabha. I wonder value addition the poor Shiv sainik Karyakarta, Shaka Pramukh or Vibagh Pramukh willl be able to do...

RAne has been promised a cabinet seat by Big Daddy cool dude Sharad PAwar...... (He is the only guy I know who still wears the cool safari suits)


more on the Rane' Saga...
Oppn MLAs to seek Rane's ouster today

Rane rada today, Bombay wakes up to more chaos

I got little late to office today, thanks to the nakabandi at all places starting from Churchgate, K.C college, Amdar Niwas, Mantralaya, Nariman point, Cuffe Parade.... My taxiwallah had to take infinite turns and u turns to ge to Nariman point...
There must have been over 20000 cops and infinite more supporters....

Like they say in WWE superstar "Smack Down" & " Royal Rumble".... This is gonna be "Monday afty RAW"... a street fight is expected in a while.... Live TV, media, radio, blogs everyone will be covering it :))
Rane's goons v/s Uddhav Sena
Rane is a street smart policitican, he wouldnt have done this unless he had some tactic supoprt from bigger players... Bhujbal or Raj Thackeray is said to be... but those could be rumours...

This is what the tabloid has to say
Rane rada today

Hamaal's on vegetable truck........

And you thought your bed wasn't comfy enuff!!!

pic courtesy roadblog

Who says barter system is dead??

Every Sunday the local Khariwala comes to my house carrying his huge metal box on his head.

We buy the regulation lot of Khari, Toast(Rusk), Butter (not amul butter), sweet sticks and Nan Khatai for the week..

most of the stuff is 14/15 bucks for pav kilo (1/4 kg)

 

I asked him if the barter system was still in place, you could trade old aluminum and copper and get the goodies worth its weight.... he says its still in place :)) 

When we were kids, we  used  to collect old Colgate paste tubes smash them and scan for copper,aluminum scraps and wait eagerly for the Khariwala chacha.

 

I think I have lotsa scrap on my loft, will trade for the sweet sticks :))

 

Pictorial Gyaan 

 

Khari

 

Sweet Sticks

 

 

 

Nan Khatai

 

Masala Khari

 

Butter

 

 

Rusk/ Toast

 

 

 

As I'm blogging this, A visiting family friend is in splits and laughing non stop on hearing my Dad's antics. As a good gesture my Dad gifted a kasti ( Indian Undie) to Tikka Maharaj ( a baba who does pooja and is a political fixer). My dad had got this kasti for is yoga class which he never used... my dad left yoga classes in a week  coz they were making him do all arbit leg folding exercises....

All  Maharaj's and Baba have never learnt to say no :))

overheard & seen in Bombay again.....

 

 

Written behind a Richshaw -S.V Road Borivli (w)

"Tu kar Natak ....

.... Udhya  bagto tula"

 

Which literally means ....

"  Go ahead smart ass....

... I'll fuck your case tomorrow"

 

 

In a share-a- cab Churchgate - Nariman Point

 

2 Aunty social Maharashtrian ladies in a journey of 6-7 mins I overheard the following

• they working at State Bank
• there are fed up with their jobs
• There is one guy called Firod who troubles one lady and she back answered her "ekdum Ragane"
• Nerulkar is one of their colleagues
• They have a conference coming up and nothing has been done so far, lotsa pending work...also overheard her saying "Subah ko Sazaa... raat ko Mazaa" I wonder if it meant what I think.....
• they have a friend who lived in Thane who fell down....
• one Aunty social is gonna come to Planet M in the evening to buy some gifts....

No wonder Taxi drivers are a frustrated lot.........

 

 

Ragdawalla outside Maratha Mandir

Outside Maratha mandir, Bombay Central there is this shady, sleazy looking, not so appealing stall which sells the most amazing 'veg ragda chana' and 'dahi vadas'

the contents of the ragda chana are

boiled kabuli chana
hot ragda wid potatoes chunks
watana
salt
cummin,pepper masala
mirch masala
mustard oil
saffron colored mix spices n masalas
tamarind chutney
meetha chutney
theeka chutney
lotsa onion
nimbu
coriander
pudina

The way he makes is damn cool, he takes some boiling hot Kabuli chanas from the stove, pours some gravy, slices the big aloo pieces then puts some yellow watana then puts the chutneys, all spices, lil mustard oil, mixes it in styles and then put lotsa onions and coriander n pudina then cleans the bowl from the sides and hands it over...

All served in a China bowl fullto upto da brim, ekdum yummy hot n spicy.... total paisa vasool, cost wonly 5 bucks!!!

warning : not recommended for the weak stomachs and people who swear by the Frangipani and Taj

trivia about Maratha Mandir - This theatre has been playing Dilwale Dulhaniya le jayenge for the last 500 weeks, past 8-10 years and still continues to play..... the tickets are really cheap under 25 bucks.....
Often used by couples and people having affairs for total privacy at unbeliavable costs..... Where else will you get A/c facilty and privacy at the cost of a Moosambi juice :)) and also you can check mail for free at the Reliance internet kiosk :))

Check out God :))

Definitions of god on the Web:

• the supernatural being conceived as the perfect and omnipotent and omniscient originator and ruler of the universe; the object of worship in monotheistic religions
• deity: any supernatural being worshipped as controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or who is the personification of a force
• a man of such superior qualities that he seems like a deity to other people; "he was a god among men"
• idol: a material effigy that is worshipped as a god; "thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image"; "money was his god"
  

Check out god himself himself  http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=Rajnikanth-H

 

:):):):) , excuse my sense of humour but this guy is hilariously cool!!

 

 

The Power of 10!!

 

When I was in college (Mithibai), my dad used to give me 10 bucks as pocket money after carefully checking whether accidentally he hasn't given 2 tenners. I had my own saving of 2-5 bucks, but Dus ka patti is wot I got....

 

So over the years I've mastered the art of doing this with 10 Bucks, here are a few of 'em I would like to share  :))

 

• 2 vada pav (Rs 8) + nimbu sherbet (Rs 2)
• 5 jhatpat lottery or 1 Playwin Thunderball Lotto
• One Ragda with extra mirchi with 4 Pavs mixed with Theeka & meetha Chutney (Rs 7) and One Kashimiri MAsala Soda (3 Bucks)
• 2 single kebab Pav with lotsa onions and green rocket chutney with pudina to eat.
• Breakfast at Cafe Bharat (Rs 8) (Menu changes daily idli, dosa, upda, vada, poha with tea)
•  Rent a pirated VCD tell him abhi copy karke lata hoon  
• 1 Falooda or 2 Fruit Salads at the local Mewad Icecream Wala.
• 3 glasses of chilled masala pudina buttermilk outside Parla Station (e)
• 100 gms Aloo Vadi (patra) + 100 gms of Dhokla at any Farsan Shop with extra papaya chutney, mirchi and orange chutney.
• 1 total tel body massage at Juhu beach, don't ask him for sabh kuch else he will start doing something shady.
• 5 old Phantom comics/ 2Archies  from the local Bhangarwala.
• Infinite goodies and useful stuff at the Kuch bhi Uthaao stalls on the Roads of Churchgate, Fountain and VT.
• 2 Dabelis from the local dabliwala
• one sada dosa and one single vada from the local dosawala
• One grand samosa Bhel from Anupam bhel, Kalbadevi
• 1 ride on the merry go round or 2 in the wooden ghoda gaadi at Juhu.
• 1 midd-day, one ET,one Bhav Copy and one Gold Flake on a boring day.
• 10 bucks you can tip the waiter to get a vantage seat in the Ladies Bar.
• 10 bucks is enough to cheer up apna local traffic pandu.
• 2 masala pavs ( usually when you don't have money for the Pav Bhaji)
• rent a cycle for 2 hours
• HAve a plateful of assorted fruits (mango,papaya,chiku,banana, watermelon,pine apple) in Nariman Pt, Vt, Fort, ChurchGate area.
• watch a movie at a pirated video parlour
• play 5 games of Matka at your local adda or 2 games of Carroms at your local carrom club
•  play 10 games of Contra/Mario on the Antique Videogame outside shady joints.
• 2 ek sau bees, hari patti, bhola pakka, hari patti, elachi Mawa and one Meetha Pan
• 30 mins in a Cyber Cafe
•  Travel 6 kms on the top deck of a Double Decker BEST bus and put your feet outside the window

Feel free to add your ideas of what one can do with Ten Bucks!!!

post kommento!!

5 people I would like to say TnX U!!

CNB - My PublicSITY friend, who robs stuff from my page and duly acknowledges it, but the beer hasn't yet come in return

Preity - champion comment poster, someone whom I've to call n say post kar :))

Fiza - champion poster number 2

Anonymous - someone who regularly fills up my comment book, sends me arbit suggestions and gyan to improve my blogs

U - for having patience to read this piece of BS :)

 

peace

Solzaire Shantanu B'day @ SideWok's

Cocktails we had, pls dont ask me the names



B'day boy wid da Walrus mucchi!!



me n shantanu.
Sidewok has some of the best cocktails in Bombay and one of the best bartenders in Virendra who can mix some really mean drinks.

Drinks were expensive but very colorful, more than the drink the way they were made by virendra was fun to watch.
A special drink a green colored mint flavoured iced drink with a bit from all the booze from the bar is named after me Sat'2's Poison :))..

more pics at CNB's page http://freedomink.org/gallery/solzaire29

Sarkar - Jao dekho!!!

Go n Watch it preferably in Shreyas,Eros, Deep Mandir, KT, AJanta but not in a INOX, FAME etc where the public is dead and unanimated.

The story = well bacha bacha of Bombay knows who's life the main protagonist is copied from, though I don't like certain things about Bal Thackeray I find certain things about him right and cool. More on that some other time.

No Ganas, no bajana, no wet rain dance, no jumping over terraces, no bakwas ...... only dialogs and silent scenes....

Seen and Overheard in Bombay today

 

09:04 Churchgate Slow

A well dressed dude on the mobile "hello sir, yes sir , yes sir,  mein abhi train mein hoon, Khar pahuch gaya .. Aj barish bahut hua tha, paani bhar gaya tha tracks mein sab trains slow chal raha hai" 

Some one yells from behind "chutiya bana raha hai, train goregaon mein hai"

 

09:20 Churchgate station

Hazzar commuters on the station

Scene cut to : The police help desk counter which has a policeman and policewoman, the cop is bored to death, the lady police is totally engrossed in a intimate chat with a Gujarati saree seller Ben who must be buying sarees in bulk from Surat and selling it door to door.  Duty gaya bhadd mein, Jai Praful, Jai Parag Saaree!!

 

 

Diamond mania at Juhu

A week after the rumours spread people are still heading to juhu chowpatty for the diamonds, a great equalizer and leveler the gold rush oops diamond rush has seen rich and the poor scavenging the dirty beach for the stones :))

Sometimes the mob psychosis can never be explained, I too was once part this kinda great search a few years ago.
When in college we guys used to go to he beach on Monday's to try our luck with gold, precious jewels, coins, and other stuff...Apart from dirtying my hands and clothes, I did manage to find a 1 gm gold part of some ladies locket.

Juhu, Dadar, Girgaum Chowpatty, Aksa, Madh, Gorai beaches each have over 2 lakh visitors every Sunday, there is a very high probability that they will lose something or drop something.... If you are lucky Bombay beaches can be a gold-diamond mine :))
Take a metal detector to increase the probability factor :)
Mid-day's Dope on the story
3 drown in search for diamonds at Juhu
Juhu beach diamonds turn out to be fakes
Scramble for diamonds on Juhu Beach

Unsung Monsoon Hero's of Bombay

This is BMC for you the ever striking and taking the city to ransom, often pampered, lazy, fit for nothing chodus of the nth order.......There's a lil truth in it, but there thousands of real hardworking and committed people in the BMC who do heroic work risking their life and limb doing everything from cleaning the gutters, drains,Manholes, Hospitals, Morgues, Sewage and toilets of this city of 14 million people who shit and piss anywhere and everywhere.
I wonder if Bombay is in a Fucked state now, what would it be without these unsung heroes.

Mid-Day has got something to say about them
Monsoon heroes keep city on track